Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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