Have you finally orgasmed yet?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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