I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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