Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
