My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
