He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
