i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
