So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
