Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
