My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
