Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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