Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
