you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
