I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize