In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
