This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
