I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
