i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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