She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
