I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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