youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
