Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
