Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
