I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
