my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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