Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My vagina is officially offended.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize