It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
