I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
It was confusing and full of hummus
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
