I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
