So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
