I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
