i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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