u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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