I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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