you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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