By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize