I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
