Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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