he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
