Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
