Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
