So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
