my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize