my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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