I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
