so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
