She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
