i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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