Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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