i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
