My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
