I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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