TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It's official drugs can't kill me
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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