u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
