I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
