That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize