There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Liz is crying about burritos again.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
