Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
