he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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