I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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