drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We have so much sex to catch up on
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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