I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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