sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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