dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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