Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
