Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
