She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
