well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
