I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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