ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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