I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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