dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
