Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
