And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
