Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
